A heavy hearted day...

I sit here today and wonder where my life is going... Does anybody really know?... I guess God knows... I live every day with this pain that seems to consume me... Everything I look at reminds me of you...the steps across the street... the bus stop on the corner... my computer chair where you always sat... The table where you ate at.. im so very anxiuos to get out of this country! Then I will no longer see you with every step I take... although I know that this pain will be forever with me... and so it should... to lose the pain would be to lose you again... I will take the mini urn that I have so that you will always be with me while we travel around the world... I will take you to the places you always wanted to see... I hope God shows you how much I love you and always will.... But I dont wish you to see the devastation that was caused by losing you.. I want you to be happy and at peace now... i know you wouldnt be if you knew how I struggle each day with my very existance... do you suppose all Mothers feel this way when they lose their child?... My boy,you are my son yet my best friend too... I was so very very lucky to have known a gentle man such as you... I love you more than even God could show you... Rest my sweet sweet boy....Mommy will be there soon one day...